A small summer, bank holiday tribute to Mock the Week:

“Things you’d never hear in church”. Contestants to the performance area, please…

• Bless you, Vicar. You’re the one with the training. You decide.
• I think as a PCC we just don’t pray enough.
• No, our generation has had its own way for long enough. It’s time for you young people to show us how it’s done.
• He’s a hard working man with his heart in the right place. He needs our support.
• I’m sure we can find another £500 a year to pay for that project.
• Let’s do something spontaneous, generous and anonymous for the vicar’s family.
• I love the way children behave in church.
• Thank you for pointing out my children’s inconsiderate behaviour. I’ll have a quiet word with them.
• The diocese think we’ve paid too much quota this month.
• Are you sure you’ve taken all your annual leave this year, Rector?
• Surely we could give more to support the work of the diocese?
• No, no, we don’t need you to be at this meeting, Vicar. We can manage without you.
• Do we really need to set up another committee to decide that?
• I know she never came to church, so I suppose she wasn’t really a Christian.
• We don’t want to use this christening as just an excuse for a party. We want the service to be the important bit.
• I’d really love to learn some new hymns.
• I’m going to go home and really think about what you said in your sermon, Vicar.
• I realise now that my Sunday School faith isn’t enough.

And, finally…

• Yes. Let’s give that a go.